I’m going to Frankfort, to dear Frankfort town,
And I’ve gotta hurry, to sing in the choir!
From far west Kentucky, with the old hammer down;
Now what is that ominous noise in my tire?
What do you mean the whole wheel bearing’s bad?
You mean I should spend yet some more on this wreck?
Here’s all of my money, you turkey, you thief;
Fix it quick, fix it good—so I won’t break my neck.
They’re waiting in Frankfort, a hundred-voice choir,
Magnificent chorus, as fine as you’ll see,
To sing “O Holy Night,” (that’s my favorite piece),
And I’ve got the solo and they’re waiting for me!
Oh hurry, you turkey, I’ve got to be gone,
Now thanks and goodbye. Is my wheel back on tight?
Ah, wide open road, let the hammer hang out,
I’m going to Frankfort! What’s that bloody blue light?
Oh, mother, oh, shit! Why, hello there, Sir.
Yes sir, I’m guilty. Wanta hear my excuse?
I’m singing the solo, you see, and they’re waiting
In Frankfort, and I’m late, and Oh what’s the use?
You clocked me at what, Sir? How costly is that?
Oh, really? That much, huh?…uh, please hurry up…
No Sir, I will Sir, Yes Sir and Good Bye.
I’m going to Frankfort if it drains my whole cup!
I’ll soon almost be there, they’re singing by now,
I’ll rehearse my number…car, don’t go so slow!
Surely they wouldn’t do my song without me—
(I wonder who’d sing it if I couldn’t show..)
That big old gray building’s now coming in view,
Praise be to the saints. Jesus, where can I park?
Oh thank you! (puff puff) I can hear them already,
Here they are, and they waited—thank God it’s not dark!
Sing “O Holy Night,” cram the microphone down!
Sing straight from the heart! Thank you, Lord, see me grin;
You tested me hard, Lord, I hope you approve;
And yes, Lord, you know that I’d do it again!
December 9, 1983