Good ole Chuck Fulner, long live ‘is name,

If’e ‘adn’t been born things’d not be the same;

He’s a generous soul, here’s the shirt off his back,

But note: ‘e does things with an unusual knack.

 

‘E can walk on ‘is hands, ‘e can climb with ‘is feet,

‘E can dance, ‘e can cook, gosh ‘e really is neat;

‘E can push with ‘is head, ‘e can pull with ‘is neck,

But the things ‘e does best are done backwards, by heck!

 

Just takes Coffey’s truck, there’s a notable case:

The thing wouldn’t run, it was dead in its place;

Coffey’s travel was hurting, ‘e was down on ‘is luck,

“Don’t worry, I’ll push you with mine,” says ole Chuck.

 

Well, Chuck hops in ‘is heap and approaches right slow,

And the first thing they see’s that its bumper’s too low;

“It’s no good,” says Coffey, “it’ll crunch up your grill.”

“Hold on now,” cries chuck, “there’s a way and a  will.”

 

Then smartly ‘e whips ‘is old heap right about

And here ‘e comes backwards, though Coffey’s in doubt;

Well, the rear bumpers match like a hand in a glove;

“Get ready,” cries Chuck, “for a fine backwards shove.”

 

What followed would leave Groucho speechless, my friend,

Old Chuck took the lead with ‘is hindmost rear end;

Two trucks facing out but attached by the rear,

It looks most peculiar but, my, how they steer!

 

Without hesitation into traffic they speed

From the Health parking lot like some two-headed steed,

Across the first roadway one hurdle they pass,

Dodging cars while Old Chuck hollers “Give ‘er some gas!”

 

Coffey’s horse sputters and coughs, almost starts,

Pedestrians scatter like flies dodging darts.

“Let’s try ‘er again!” and again off they go,

One frontward, one backward, a marvelous show.

 

Out in the main traffic—Coffey’s truck has a fit;

Steadfastly Chuck shoves toward the far gravel pit.

And there’s where the glad ending happens at last,

Chuck’s last mighty shove, Coffey starts with a blast.

 

If ever down Health Building hallways you wend,

And you see a big guy running backwards, my friend,

Don’t laugh, ‘cause Ole Chuck can most likely do more

Bass ackwards than most folks can front side before!

ca 1982